An Inhuman Condition

Miss Mara,

I’m running the air conditioning today, but I hope the lizards in the desert don’t freeze in that snow. I don’t understand what sort of witchcraft could make it snow in lizard land, but I hope the little guys are safe is all. If there’s a vending machine anywhere, you can always resort to Combos and M&Ms. There are definitely worse ways to be stranded in the desert. Maybe you can find some shivering lizards and offer them combos and shelter in exchange for their lizardy wisdom.

I’ve found this resource for what reptiles you may in fact encounter: http://dwrcdc.nr.utah.gov/rsgis2/search/SearchSelection.asp?Group=REPTILIA&Species=VERT From my research, the Ornate Tree Lizards will be the most welcoming and likely to impart their mystical gifts upon you. The Desert Night Lizard, however, is not to be trusted under any circumstances. They are tricksters who lure unsuspecting young women into the snowy desert to starve. Do not believe their promises. The Western Banded Geckos might try to sell you car insurance, but they are otherwise harmless if you don’t mind safe, mainstream conversations and dull personalities.

I’m glad to hear the Mormons haven’t sullied you yet. Hopefully you can find the right lizard magic now, before they strike, to ward off their conversion spells. If you find yourself in a room with a cheese platter, run immediately. That’s a sign they are about to use their good will and charms to get you into their special under-armor. In a pinch, the Desert Night Lizards have dark ways of protection against Mormon, but you will absolutely hate the consequences of a deal with such seedy creatures. As for people, I’m confident you’ve developed the tools you need to stay hidden among them without raising suspicion. Keep diligent and seek the wisdom of the scales. The used bookstore may also have some helpful materials on desert reptiles or Mormon, the ancient God of the third book, whose followers you are stuck amongst for the duration of your sojourn.

I do hope this letter reaches you without interception from the agents of Mormon. We already miss your presence, but understand the important work you are doing.

Faithfully,
N